Often, for a child in care, their brother or sister is their longest lasting relationship. Siblings share precious memories together, important parts of their stories. We know from care leavers, splitting from siblings is one of the hardest things to deal with as a child in care.
Katherine explained why placing children in different homes is sometimes the safest choice. The child in your care will need your help in understanding the reasons for the separation. Showing support, nurturing and honest, sensitive conversations will help them.
If you are fostering a child living apart from their sibling(s), here's how you can help.
Pay attention to their feelings before, and after a visit
Often, if children are living apart, they keep in contact through family time sessions. As a foster carer, pay attention to the children's feelings and general mood before and after. Show curiosity about how they felt the visit went. Of course, if they're disappointed, or confused, we should show empathy.
Social workers find these details very helpful for making safe, sensitive plans for all the children.
Take note of how the siblings interact with each other
While they're together, take note of any interactions between siblings. Notice the moments they share, how they connect with each other.
A therapeutic fostering approach includes supporting children to have healthy sibling relationships. By noticing the things they have in common, we can help them grow and overcome any harmful habits.
Make sure you have enough time for a visit
If you're planning a visit for your foster child to see a sibling they don't live with, make sure there's time. If possible be available for a whole day! This gives your child space to share their feelings while preparing to see their siblings.
Also, feelings relating to trauma memories could come up during, or after contact. Sometime this comes out as behaviour, as it's too hard to talk about. It's helpful to show acceptance, and help children make sense of their reactions.
Show you understand their siblings are important to them
If your foster child doesn't see their siblings often, or at all, find ways to show they can talk about them. For example, some children will want to have photos up, or ask about them at certain times, like birthdays.
If you're unsure, support is always available
As a foster carer with Essex County Council, you have access to a wide range of support. Of course, your supervising social worker. Also, local support groups run for peer to peer support. Find a support option for you now.