Fostering as a single male carer

Mike and his wife Kate were foster carers for many years, since their own two daughters were young. After Kate sadly passed away in 2005, Mike continued fostering 10-year old Tasha. Now she's grown-up, with her own family and Mike specialises in fostering teenagers.

He shares his inspirational story. Plus, Tasha shares how Mike and Kate welcomed her into their family.

Mike decided to carry on fostering, as Tasha was so close with his daughters

"My wife was the primary foster carer for 10-year-old Tasha at the time she passed.

"I could see Tasha was worried she would be moved to a new home. But, she had such a good relationship with my daughters that I didn’t feel comfortable doing that.

"I did a lot of soul searching and made the decision to take over as primary carer for Tasha so that she could stay with us. I continued working full-time for many years, my mum looked after the girls during the day."

"I’m so pleased that I made the decision to continue fostering"

"At the time, Tasha had no family and no one else to turn to. The girls were similar ages (between 10 and 13), so they got on well. They grew up together, they went on holiday together and had the same things in common.

"I raised Tasha as my own, and my daughters are her sisters.

"All three girls have now grown up. My two daughters work in London and live with their partners. Tasha lives nearby with her partner, two daughters and son. I see them regularly.

"To this day, Tasha calls me ‘dad’. Her children call me ‘grandad’, which is really special. I’ve been there for most of Tasha’s life and I’m still the one she calls."

Speaking about her time growing up in foster care, Tasha said:

“Mike and Kate began looking after me when I was nine. Growing up with the family was lovely, and I had such a strong support network. To this day, we are one big happy family, and I’m still close with Mike. 

"I also keep in touch with Abi and Lucy, who I call my sisters. I went on holiday to Budapest with Lucy, which was great fun.

“Before Kate passed away, she was my main support, so remembrance days and anniversaries are very important to me. My son was born on her birthday, which means a lot to us.

“Mike raised me like his own daughter. I have three children with my partner, and Mike is such a support to us all. I’m always ringing him, whether for help or just a general chat. He’s still there for me.

“I don’t call Mike my ‘foster dad’ – he’s my dad.”

In 2011, I decided to give up my day job to become a full-time foster carer

Ever since, I have fostered teenage boys. There is a shortage of carers for this age group, but it works for me as a single male carer. We enjoy going places together, like the football.

I’m an avid Southend supporter and, when the boys first come to me, they are usually supporters of the bigger clubs, like Chelsea or Manchester United. They bring all the flags and scarves with them. But by the time they’ve been living with me for a while, they're supporters! I think it’s the atmosphere of it all, the cheering, and the pre-match burger and chips. They call me ‘The Converter’."

"The children who come to you have often lost their way"

"They’ve experienced trauma and disappointment and there’s often a lot of mistrust there. I try to engage with them more at their level. I never talk down to them, never raise my voice, I think that helps them feel heard and valued. I like to offer a space where they can talk things through calmly. I’m the guy they come to if they’ve got a problem. 

"At the end of the day, they are young men and you’ve got to treat them as such"

"I currently foster a 16-year-old lad who has been with me for two-and-a-half years now."

"When he first came to live with me, he didn’t know what he wanted to do when he grows up. He was struggling academically and wasn’t always going to school. 

"I took him to college to look around and speak to the teachers, and plumbing stood out for him. It focused his mind on the way forward, and now he wants to be a plumber when he leaves college.

"It’s great to see him focused and working hard to achieve his goals. Exams are the challenging part for him because he has a fear of failing, but I am always there to support him. 

"Now he’s living in a safe, calm environment, where he is supported to achieve his aspirations, he can look forward to the future."

"I looked after another lad from the age of 14 and he stayed with me until he was 22."

He now has two children and a good job, so it’s amazing to see that success for him and how he’s grown. When he sees the lad I’m looking after now, he tells him that he was in his situation once and motivates him for the future. He tells him, “Stick with it, you’ll be alright.” I think he relates to him because he’s been in care, too.

"To other men who are considering fostering as a single carer, I’d say go for it."

Fostering teenagers is so rewarding. It’s not always an easy ride to start with. But, if you can continue to offer support and care, you can help them to turn their life around and give them a good future. It’s really rewarding to see the end result.

They’re all good kids, they just need someone to be there for them. It’s the trauma that they’ve been through that causes them to struggle. If you can show them that you’re there for them, and a good person, you can help them through it and onto a happier future.