Fostering siblings

Vanessa fosters four teenage girls, with her own two teenage daughters. As a single carer, her home is busy, but her family are thriving.

Before starting fostering, Vanessa asked her own daughters how they feel

Vanessa was keen to involve her own children with her fostering journey. Vanessa's daughter Amelie said: "I've always supported my mum's dream to foster children.

I remember the moment she asked me how I would feel about fostering. I was 10, Mum picked me up from school. I remember her saying I would have lots of siblings, I was on board from that moment!”

Essex County County offers support and training for the whole family

Sons and daughters also have access to training and support. Also, there are fun days for other children to meet and chat about their role in a fostering family.

“Before Mum started fostering, we spoke with foster carers and social workers. My sister and I had our own social worker, and we learnt about fostering. We always looked forward to our social worker visits, because we couldn’t wait to start fostering.” 

Vanessa added “The training has been really useful. Especially courses on neuroscience which I’ve been able to use in my day-to-day life.  Things like picking my battles, which I wouldn't have done beforehand, with my own children.

Listening to professionals explain the benefits of stepping back has been powerful."

First, Vanessa grew her confidence with respite fostering

"Reporting on the children in Syria was life changing to me, I wanted to help. First, I offered respite care, fostering children who needed a home in an emergency."

Essex County Council offers different types of fostering. Respite foster carers help other foster carers and birth families care for children. This can be for one weekend a month, or during school holidays. 

“Respite care, and supporting children in emergencies, helped build my confidence as a new foster carer. Then, I became ready to foster children on a full-time basis.” 

It's common for foster carers to begin with respite fostering. Hayley and Jenn are also foster carers who learned more by opening their home for respite care.

Then, Vanessa became a full time foster carer, after her girls took to it so well

Vanessa’s girls were the main factor for fostering children full-time because they took to it so well. “I was surprised by my girls’ reactions to fostering and how much they loved it. We had two siblings stay with us and the girls got on so well my daughters asked if they could stay. That’s how it started, and we’ve never looked back.” 

Fostering helped Amelie grow her confidence too

“I love having lots of siblings and a big family. We currently foster four teenage girls and I tell people I have four sisters and they look at me in amazement. To me they are my sisters, not my foster sisters.

I was bullied at school, having more siblings means I have support and a bond, but it’s also built my confidence.” 

Vanessa learned the smallest things make the biggest difference to children in care

“One of my fondest memories was when all my girls gave me a Mother’s Day card, with the most heartfelt messages inside. They wrote they weren’t worried anymore, or they weren’t hungry anymore. I was so choked up I couldn’t speak and that’s when I realised what a difference I'd made to these girls. It is such a gift that you feel like you are doing something right.” 

What are Amelie's favourite memories of fostering?

Amelie said, “My sister and I are so proud of our mum, she does everything to support us. We’ve had a great upbringing and Mum is giving that to other children who haven’t had the same opportunities.” 

“One really special memory for me is going on our first holiday together in Spain, all seven of us. My sisters hadn’t been out of the country before, so giving them that experience was lovely. We taught them how to swim and I felt so happy to see them have so much fun.

We have a lovely bond and have become a great family unit.” 

Finally, what would Vanessa and Amelie say if you're thinking of fostering?

“All children want is the reassurance that somebody cares for them and loves them.” 

Amelie said, “If you’re thinking about fostering and want to help children, then do it! When they open up to you, you can see what difference you can make just by being there for them. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“They’re not foster children, they’re children. They just want parents, a family and to be treated like any other child. They deserve a home, happiness and the same opportunities as anybody else.”