October is national Children of Foster Carers Month. It celebrates the contributions by the birth children of foster parents who grow up alongside their fostered siblings.
We are sharing Amy’s story to inspire others thinking of fostering at a younger age while their own children are living at home.
Amy, from mid-Essex, grew up in a fostering family. When she was older, she was inspired to follow the same journey as her parents. She said: "My parents fostered children with additional needs when their families needed time. Our house would be full of children, alongside me and my twin sister. When we both left home for university our parents began fostering full-time.
“Fostering really made me realise not everyone has the same upbringing. Not everyone has a safe family home, gets Christmas presents or gets excited about birthdays.
"I learnt early on people have very different lives and priorities. I think it has made me naturally more empathetic and understanding. I’m a more caring person and I want to make a change.
“I was approved as a foster carer at the age of 25, before my husband Sam and I got married and started our family. People often foster when they’re older and their children have left home. But we wanted to do it the other way round, I was keen to get started straight away.
“We have now been fostering for 13 years. We’ve fostered around 12 children in that time, some for a few months and some for years.
"Whether the children become adopted or go back to their birth families, we never truly say goodbye. Knowing they are going on to the best place for them makes seeing them leave easier. We like to keep in touch with them all.”
Fostering three siblings
When Amy just turned 27, she fostered three siblings together - Katherine, Maisie and Eleanor. Amy explained: “We gave them stability and a family home. We helped them achieve at school and get into college. They were all really settled before I fell pregnant with my first daughter a few years later.
“Now the girls have left home and are living independently, they are all doing so well. Katherine lives nearby in her own flat and still comes home regularly for family dinners. Maisie is a senior cabin crew member and owns her own home at age 24. Eleanor has just graduated with a first-class degree in Anthropology from Exeter University.
“Their achievements make us so proud. They have surpassed the expectations of any young person, never mind with what they had to experience in life. We have seen a real boost in their confidence over the years. The girls have independently followed their own paths, and we have encouraged them all the way.
“Children in care often feel like they deserve nothing. We help them realise their potential and give them a solid foundation to believe in themselves. We help show what they can achieve, what they deserve in life and help set the bar for what a family home should feel like.
“Then we have the absolute joy of celebrating all their achievements along the way, big and small. From helping the little ones reach their language and skill milestones or learning to ride a bike. To the older ones passing their driving tests or going off to university.
“We are their safe place and support network. I think it’s so easy for young people to feel like they don’t have anyone. But it’s our job to reassure them they do and we’re here for them at every turn.”
Introducing Amy’s daughters to her fostering family
Amy and her husband Sam now have two birth daughters. Lily, aged nine, and Maggie, aged five. As her daughters were born into a fostering family, Amy explains they don’t know any different. They also have a strong bond with the foster children at home.
She continues: “Our daughters treat the older girls – Katherine, Maisie and Eleanor – as their sisters. They are the first people they want to speak to when they’ve had a bad day or need advice. The girls love being hands-on big sisters even though they’ve now left home.
“We are one big family and it makes weekends, holidays and special occasions so much fun. There will be 20 of us gathered around the table at Christmas. It’s so nice to give that experience to our daughters and to welcome everyone back home. Often, we are that one stable figure in fostered children’s lives. A place to return to whenever they need it – for life’s ups and downs.
“Growing up in a fostering family is having such a positive impact on our daughters. At school they are known for being super empathetic. They play with the new children and help those with additional needs. They’re understanding and want to help others. It’s lovely to see their kind, caring and nurturing personalities.
“Families with children who are looking to foster should feel reassured that Essex County Council always considers our needs when carefully matching children with us. Our daughters are well supported and get so much out of it, they love being involved.
"We recently fostered two babies, one who was just two days old, and they were with us for 18 months. My daughters loved helping to look after them, loving them unconditionally.”
Amy hopes her fostering journey will inspire others to consider fostering. She explains: “Some people think foster carers need a special set of skills, but you don’t. All children need is consistency and nurture, you just have to show up for them.
“In an ideal world there wouldn’t be foster carers. In the real world foster carers are needed and we have to step up to do our bit, to give these children a loving home and a good start in life.”
Foster care leaver Katherine, now aged 28, spoke about being fostered by Amy and Sam with her sisters. She said: “Amy came into our life at a point when we were scared and had nowhere else to go. She never treated us like strangers. Everyone made us feel loved and like family instantly. Even now, Amy and Sam are still my parents.”
Amy’s birth daughter Lily, aged 9, also commented on the experience of growing up in a fostering family. She said: “I like having a home where’s there’s always someone to play with. My big sisters are the best and I love it when they come back home.”
Everyone is welcome to learn more about fostering and how it could fit into their lifestyle. To find out more, visit the Essex County Council fostering website.
You can also call 0800 801 530 to find out more or book on to an upcoming Fostering Information Event.